Tuesday, March 12, 2013

Roissy has a great post discussing friendship zone exit strategy .

He makes good points and is on target, as he is so many times, and all I can add to that post is this: have fun with her - cuz she has been having a blast with you.

Here is the situation: you and her are friends because of proximity - work, circle of friends, neighborhood - whatever.  Point is, even though you are never going to knock one out of the park, you WILL see her again. 

We already know that you are out of luck on all fronts.  All you have left is hampster fun.  First, initiate silent running.  No text , no phone calls, no return emails, the only way to have fun at this point is to be in person and watch the reactions.  When she shows up, do your best to anticipate it.  Know she will be at whatever you are doing - don't go there for that reason, but know that if you are doing the laundry on Thursday, then keep in mind that  she MIGHT be in the laundry room at the same time (insert whichever situation you normally "run into" her doing).  When she shows, DO NOT NOTICE HER.  She will probably be waiting for you to notice her, but you are the man here and you can wait her out.  Read you emails, fold your drawers, check the dryer for lint, whatever.  At this point you are too busy to notice her.

Here is where the fun begins - watch for her to realize that you are not going to notice her.  It's when the eyebrows twitch downwards and then right back to neutral.  You are the mushy friend-boy who will smile at her and tell her how great she looks in those sweats - so she might decide to spend a little effort and give you a "hey."

Give her the slightest, tiniest of glances and then go right back to your work and shoot her a "Hey....did you ever get that thing?" 

Now you have her hooked.  Women cannot resist talking or not knowing.  Don't know why, but they can't.  Guys don't really care, women cannot help themselves.

So she will ask you, maybe while also not looking at you,  "What thing is that?"

Here comes the haymaker she is not expecting from the Pilsbury Dough Boy, but I swear it is like thowing motorized bird feathers soaked in catnip to cats..."You were going to buy those panties to show me."

There are a couple of things that might happen here, but they really don't matter - the fish might try to swim away, or they might blow up the surface of the lake, but they are still on the hook.  And so is she.

"WHAT?!?" she says in amused outrage, "I was NEVER gonna do that!"

She is flat out facing you now, boss.  No more playing coy.  And you really have to keep from laughing at her now, because the dance aint over yet.   

You finally turn to her and take a look at her face, then her sweat pants, and then the lazy, unattractive top she is wearing and give half a laugh and say, "You're right.  I sure was thinking of someone else."  And go back to folding your drawers.

She is flustered at this point and the hampster is spinning into warp speed.   She has too many questions about why would Dough-Boy think he could cross that line, and he can't talk to ME like that, and what's wrong with my sweat pants...women normally try not to clearly state how they feel about you, but what comes out of her at this point is some form of, "Who would buy panties for YOU?"

You have not looked back at her yet and since you expect that kind of question from her, all you do is ponder it like you are not sure if you will answer and then come out with the infamous "its complicated."  Geez, they hate that.  Might as well tell Gurney you are not in the mood.  All that hampster saw was you telling her that she aint smart enough to comprehend the answer.  Now she is more than hooked, she is going to get to the bottom of whatever you think you are doing and set you straight !

Chuckle.

You see, at this point she is stuck.  Her only alternative is to turn on her heel and leave - which has  real probablility because she is not invested in you - so be ready for it.  She would also have to leave whatever event you two are at, so she may stay for that reason.  But the odds are, and the house always wins, she is staying for another reason.

"What is that supposed to mean?"   Again, they cannot help it.

And here is the second haymaker that she will not see coming.  "it means I am not sure I want to discuss my sexlife with every 6 that does laundry on Thursday." 

Oh....no....you...didn't....

Oh, yes, I did.

She may splutter here, or just simply have her mouth open for a second, but eventually she will come out with a, "6?!  Did you just call me a 6!?!?"

Cue third haymaker.

Here is where you turn fully back to her and give her another visual once over and innocently say,  "a case could be made for 7.  I have not seen you naked."  And as you are turning back to whatever it is you are doing, you say in the same voice, "Yet."

From this point you are on your own.  That many haymakers and you are probably not in the friendzone anymore.  She will not know where you are, and sure won't ravage you on the basement floor, but you ain't in the friendzone no more. 

Just make sure when she sees you from that point on, she can tell that you are obviously comparing her to her girl friends and the fun will truly never end.